Fathering Activities

Toddlers (18-36 months)

Communication

• Label or name objects, describe events and reflect the feelings of your child to help them learn new words.
  
• Use firm, rational communication reflecting logical consequences of your child’s actions when disciplining. Allow your child choices that are acceptable to you.
  
• Show genuine interest in your child’s daily experiences.
  
• Express love, concern, and forgiveness often.
  

Teaching

• Teach your child values through example, reinforcement, and stories.
  
• Direct negative behavior, such as throwing balls at people into a productive experience, such as throwing balls at a target or into a basket. This can be creatively done with running in the house, hitting, yelling, being destructive, etc.
  
• Answer your child’s questions on their level.
  
• Foster your child’s independence by giving them choices that are acceptable to you and respecting their selection.
  
• Teach your child new skills - how to dress themselves, throw a ball, ride a tricycle, etc.

Monitoring

• Monitor the safety of their play environment and what they get into.
  
• Monitor your child’s health - proper nutrition, immunizations, enough sleep, etc.

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the hopes and dreams of being the kind of father you want to be. Have you in any way lost touch with some of these hopes and dreams. Why?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about a person in your life who you have noticed parents in a way you feel is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the memories you have of your own father. What did you decide about how you would like to father your child based on those experiences.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you enjoy most with your child. Notice the aspects of your relationship you think you are doing right.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you felt personally challenged in interactions with your child. What are some of your strengths from which you can draw on to better meet these challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about what you believe others (partner, children, relatives, friends, community, etc.) expect of you as a father. How do they differ? When have you met or not met these expectations?
  
• Create a story about the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father.

Errands

• Drop off and pick up your child from day care if your child is enrolled.

Care Giving

• Routine tasks of eating, toileting, dressing, etc, are important opportunities to help children learn new words, about their world, and how to regulate own behavior.
  
• Bath your child- play dramatically with toys like boats, ducks, water wheels, etc.

Child-Related Maintenance

• Be involved in the toilet training process. Inappropriate techniques such as punishment or shaming should not be used. It should be accomplished when the child is ready and in a spirit of cooperation and enthusiasm.
  
• Help with the cooking, cleaning, and laundry associated with your child.

Shared Interests

• Build off child’s demonstrated initiative and interests. Become an "expert" in their area of interest and facilitate exploratory, hands on learning.

Availability

• Be available for bed time routines, bathing, story time, play time, etc.

Planning

• Plan field trips that would be of interest to your child. A trip to the fireman station, post office, flower shop, apple orchard, bakery, animal farm, museum, etc. Allow for a lot of exploratory time. Bring things to the child’s level of understanding.

Shared Activities

• Play reciprocally with your toddler, modeling how to play imaginatively (playing jungle animals, fireman, house, etc.) and proper social roles and behaviors in certain settings.
  
• Read, sing, do finger plays, act out simple stories, etc with your child. Flannel boards or magnetic boards allow the child to manipulate the figures and tell their stories.
  
• Take your child to a park with small climbing equipment that he or she can go around, in, and out of with swings, and low slides. Facilitate large muscle play.
  
• Play in different mediums such as sand, water, rice, beans, etc, with your child. Bring along funnels, measuring cups, waterwheel, shovels, buckets, etc....be creative and explore.
  
• Go exploring with your child in an empty field, at a park, in a new setting, etc. Follow their initiative and interests and build or scaffold on actions/ideas.
  
• Work together building a fort, making a tent, etc.
• Include your child in some of your outdoor tasks such as washing the car, weeding the garden, taking out the garbage, fixing the car.

Providing

• Provide child with large crayons, water color markers, large paper, clay, etc. for child to explore and manipulate art materials.
  
• Provide your child with simple books, pictures, puzzles, music, and time and space for active play such as jumping, running, and dancing.
  
• Providing unstructured materials for music, dance, and dramatic play enable your child to enjoy the process of creating their own ideas and solving their own problems.

Affection

• Bed time is a good time to cuddle, hug, and kiss your child.

Protection

• Install the car seat properly.
  
• Always buckle up your children in the backseat.
  
• Install Electrical outlet covers that are large enough not to be a choking hazard if taken out.
  
• Install cabinet and drawer locks on locations that contain dangerous materials such as cleaning chemicals, sharp tools or appliances, medicine cabinets, etc.
  
• Install window blind cord wraps designed to prevent strangulation from window blind cords.
  
• Many house plants can cause illness or death. Keep out of reach of children.
  
• Install a child gate to block off stairways, or places of the house you do not monitor regularity.

Supporting Emotionally

• Toddlers rely on adults to help them deal with their intense feelings and rapid fluctuations in moods. Adults must be especially careful to give toddlers many chances to figure things out for themselves, while remaining available to them if they ask for assistance.
  
• Toddlers struggle with independence, and dependence, initiative and passivity, self-awareness and confusion, confidence and doubt, etc. You need to be resourceful in providing your child with needed emotional security.

Three Year Olds

Communication

• Provide many experiences to extend language and musical abilities such as: reading books, recite simple poems, nursery rhymes, finger plays, sing songs, writing down stories that children dictate - let them illustrate their work.
  
• Give your child acceptable alternatives to choose from rather than just telling them to stop doing something unacceptable. Three year olds may not understand or remember the rules. Guidance reasons that are specific to a real situation and that are demonstrated repeatedly are more likely to impress young children.
  
• Express love, concern, and forgiveness often.

Teaching

• Help exercise your child’s natural curiosity by experimenting with cause and effect relationships such as: stacking or lining up blocks and crashing them, experiment with knobs, latches, toys that open and close or that can be taken apart.
  
• Give your child opportunities to problem solve by asking open ended questions like "How do you think this works?". "Why do you think the water does that?"
  
• Notice and comment on your child’s progress in various areas - physical, emotional, cognitive, etc.
  
• Give your child chores to do that are developmentally appropriate - put away own toys, put learning materials away, etc.
  
• Teach your child a skill - catching a ball, swinging a bat, etc.
  

Monitoring

• Be aware of your child’s play and the safety associated with it.
  
• Monitor your child’s health and grooming.
  

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the hopes and dreams of being the kind of father you want to be. Have you in any way lost touch with some of these hopes and dreams. Why?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about a person in your life who you have noticed parents in a way you feel is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the memories you have of your own father. What did you decide about how you would like to father your child based on those experiences.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you enjoy most with your child. Notice the aspects of your relationship you think you are doing right.
  
• Think, write, or discuss about times you felt personally challenged in interactions with your child. What are some of your strengths from which you can draw on to better meet these challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about what you believe others (partner, children, relatives, friends, community, etc.) expect of you as a father. How do they differ? When have you met or not met these expectations?
  
• Create a story about the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father.

Errands

• Drop off and pick up your child from day care if your child is enrolled.

Care Giving

• Make up stories as you bath, cloth, or care for your child.
  
• Tuck your child into bed after reading a story.
  
• Care for your sick child.

Child-Related Maintenance

• Do the laundry, dishes, or cooking for your child.

Shared Interests

• Let your child’s interests become the springboard from which you both explore the world. Learn about your child’s interests so you can teach them more.

Availability

• Be available to share time with your child or perform child-related maintenance.

Planning

• Plan field trips that would be of interest to your child. A trip to the fireman station, post office, flower shop, apple orchard, bakery, animal farm, museum, etc. Allow for a lot of exploratory time. Bring things to the child’s level of understanding.
  
• Plan a birthday party for your child.
  
• Plan vacations and holidays that are considerate of your child’s developmental capabilities, needs, and interests.

Shared Activities

• Blow bubbles together.
  
• Go fly a kite, go on a picnic, play at the park, etc.
  
• Exercise your child’s large muscle skills - teach him how to ride a tricycle, catch and hit a ball - use large ball and bat, make an obstacle course when you need to skip, hop, gallop, run, jump, etc.
  
• Create a collage or scrapbook representing a shared activity - let your child dictate.
  
• Have your child dictate stories about some of your shared events. Let them illustrate their work.
  
• Include your child in some of your outdoor tasks such as washing the car, weeding the garden, taking out the garbage, fixing the car.
  
• Work on a project together you both share an interest in.
  

Providing

• Facilitate your child’s fine motor skill development by purchasing easy puzzles, construction sets, art supplies, beads to string, legos, and other manipulatives.
  
• Provide picture books for your child to create their own stories about.
  

Affection

• Hug, wrestle, kiss, tickle, give horse rides, etc. to show love and affection.

Protection

• Teach your child to stay on sidewalks and to only step off curbs if he or she is holding your hand.
  
• Allow outdoor play in only the safe, hazard free places of your neighborhood. Carefully supervise play. Three year olds often over-estimate their newly developed physical powers and will try things that are unsafe or beyond their capabilities especially if they are playing with four or five year olds.
  
• Always buckle up your children in the backseat.
  
• Install Electrical outlet covers that are large enough not to be a choking hazard if taken out.
  
• Install cabinet and drawer locks on locations that contain dangerous materials such as cleaning chemicals, sharp tools or appliances, medicine cabinets, etc.
  
• Many house plants can cause illness or death. Keep out of reach of children.

Supporting Emotionally

• Maintain appropriate expectations for your three year old. They may revert to toddler behavior or experiment with 4-5 year old activities.
  
• Be encouraging to your child and support their developing interests.

Four and Five Year Olds

Communication

• Help develop language and literacy through talking about, exploring, and participating in meaningful experiences. Examples: Listening to and reading stories and poems, going on field trips initiated by the child’s interests, dictating stories.
  
• Do collaborative writing/dictation with your child where you both create and illustrate a book of your own that reflects a meaningful experience you have shared.
  
• Express love, concern, and forgiveness often.
  
• Show a genuine interest in your child’s day, feelings, thought, friends, etc.
  
• Stimulate your child’s learning in physical, social, emotional, and intellectual area by allowing them to learn through active exploration of their environment.
  
• Ask your child many questions, offer suggestions as to alternative options and add more complex materials or ideas to their play when ready.
  
• Draw your child’s attention to the environmental print which surrounds them - cereal, candy bars, restaurants, etc.
  
• Reinforce and model cooperative social skills, helping behaviors, and negotiation skills.
  
• Give your child many hypothetical social situations in which you can coach appropriate responses. For example, tell stories of a child taking their toy while they are playing - discuss many alternatives and then enforce the proper response.
  
• Teach your child a skill such as catching a ball, riding a bike, tying knots, jump rope, etc.

Monitoring

• Facilitate social development by monitoring their peer relationships and play. Intervene only at appropriate times.
  
• Monitor your childs safety, health, and grooming.

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the hopes and dreams of being the kind of father you want to be. Have you in any way lost touch with some of these hopes and dreams. Why?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about a person in your life who you have noticed parents in a way you feel is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the memories you have of your own father. What did you decide about how you would like to father your child based on those experiences.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you enjoy most with your child. Notice the aspects of your relationship you think you are doing right.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you felt personally challenged in interactions with your child. What are some of your strengths from which you can draw on to better meet these challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about what you believe others (partner, children, relatives, friends, community, etc.) expect of you as a father. How do they differ? When have you met or not met these expectations?
  
• Create a story about the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father.

Errands

• Drop off and pick up your child from preschool / kindergarten / day care if enrolled.
  

Care Giving

• Spend time teaching your child how to tie their shoes, undo buckles, do up buttons or zippers, etc. as you are helping them dress.
  
• Tuck your child into bed.

Child-Related Maintenance

• Help with the cleaning, laundry, and cooking associated with your child.
  
• Repair broken toys, bikes, beds, etc.

Shared Interests

• Be willing to adopt the excitement for learning your child has and slow down enough to really look at a butterfly, a fire truck, a construction site, etc.

Availability

• Be available to attend preschool or kindergarten teacher conferences.
  
• Let your child’s teacher know you are willing to help out in the classroom.
  
• Be available for the spontaneous adventures your child embarks on and willing to drop things so as not to miss the moment.

Planning

• Plan field trips that would be of interest to your child. A trip to the fireman station, post office, flower shop, apple orchard, bakery, animal farm, museum, etc. Allow for a lot of exploratory time. Bring things to the child’s level of understanding.
  
• Plan birthdays, vacations, and holidays, that take into consideration the needs and interests of your child.
  

Shared Activities

• Explore animals, plants, water, wheels, gears, etc.
  
• Work together planting a garden, building a toy, or fixing a flat tire.
  
• Draw, paint, work with clay, finger paint, etc with your child - do not expect a representational product.
  
• Cook easy recipes together, letting the child measure, stir, bake, etc. Integrate subjects of math, science, etc. together.
  
• Sort objects together - candy, buttons, rocks, leaves, etc.
  
• Start a collection of interest - leaves, rocks, cards, buttons, etc.

Providing

• Collect many safe props for dramatic play - a cardboard or wooden house, kitchen tools, child size living room furniture, old clothes, hats, or shoes, hospital paraphernalia, fire station hats, mechanic tools, etc.
  
• Purchase child-sized tools, tables, chairs, and other materials for a play room.
  
• Provide children’s books with lots of repetition in them (There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly , Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see, The Napping House, etc.) This will encourage pre-reading skills because they can memorize or anticipate what the words say.

Affection

• Hug, wrestle, kiss, tickle, give horse rides, etc. to show love and affection.

Protection

• Teach your child to stay on sidewalks and to only step off curbs if he or she is holding your hand.
  
• Allow outdoor play in only the safe, hazard free places of your neighborhood. Carefully supervise play. Three year olds often over-estimate their newly developed physical powers and will try things that are unsafe or beyond their capabilities especially if they are playing with four or five year olds.
  
• Always buckle up your children in the backseat.
  
• Install Electrical outlet covers that are large enough not to be a choking hazard if taken out.
  
• Install cabinet and drawer locks on locations that contain dangerous materials such as cleaning chemicals, sharp tools or appliances, medicine cabinets, etc.
  
• Many house plants can cause illness or death. Keep out of reach of children.

Six to Eight Year Olds

Communication

• Draw, dictate, and write about shared activities.
  
• Tell your child stories of when you were their age - types of things you did after school, what your interests were, what you liked to learn about, any major events, etc.
  
• Get out old photos of yourself and share stories with your children about when you were growing up.
  
• Express love, appreciation, and concern often.
  

Teaching

• Work on a project together with your child that integrates aspects of science, math, art, social development, and language skills - build a store, buy an aquarium, produce a weekly family newspaper, make a nature collection, make a book, build something out of wood, etc.
  
• Teach your child specific skills - how to fish, how to throw a ball, how to do a flip on the trampoline, how to do magic tricks, how to swim, etc.
  
• Give your child chores that are developmentally appropriate - making their own bed, setting the table, picking up own toys, hanging up their coat, etc.
  
• Answer your child’s questions appropriately and on their level.
  
• Give your child many opportunities to problem solve by asking open ended questions about certain phenomena.

Monitoring

• Be aware of homework assignments and other topics of study your child has. Monitor the completion of homework and be available for help.
  
• Monitor your child’s health, safety, and grooming.

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the hopes and dreams of being the kind of father you want to be. Have you in any way lost touch with some of these hopes and dreams. Why?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about a person in your life who you have noticed parents in a way you feel is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the memories you have of your own father. What did you decide about how you would like to father your child based on those experiences.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you enjoy most with your child. Notice the aspects of your relationship you think you are doing right.
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you felt personally challenged in interactions with your child. What are some of your strengths from which you can draw on to better meet these challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about what you believe others (partner, children, relatives, friends, community, etc.) expect of you as a father. How do they differ? When have you met or not met these expectations?
  
• Create a story about the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father
  

Errands

• Drop your child off at school or the bus stop on time.

Care Giving

• Tuck your child into bed after sharing feelings about the day.

Child-Related Maintenance

• Help with the cleaning, laundry, and cooking associated with your child.
  
• Repair broken toys, bikes, beds, etc.

Shared Interests

• Develop a shared interest with your child and spend time working on learning more about that interest - sports, animals, stars, nature, weather, cooking, etc.
  

Availability

• Be available to attend parent teacher conferences at your child’s school.
  
• Be available to attend any school plays, music performances, or extracurricular activities such as sports, dance, speech, etc.

Planning

• Plan field trips that would be of interest to your child. A trip to the fireman station, post office, flower shop, apple orchard, bakery, animal farm, museum, etc. Allow for a lot of exploratory time. Bring things to the child’s level of understanding.
  
• Plan your work schedule so can be available to coach a soccer team, attend plays, recital, etc.
  
• Plan vacations and holidays that will meet the needs and interests of your child.
  

Shared Activities

• Read high quality Children’s Literature.
  
• Make a tepee out of an old sheet and decorate it with stories of experiences you have shared.
  
• Play story telling games as you are in the car driving somewhere. You start, then they add another section, someone adds more, etc.
  
• Help children write stories about experiences in their life that are of significance to them. Put these stories in a scrapbook for future additions.
  
• Work together mowing the lawn, trimming the edges, weeding, planting, etc.
  
• Fix the car together. Let them help out and actively participate.
• Get out an old photo alblum and tell stories of various pictures to your child.

Providing

• Provide opportunities for your child to develop outside interests, skills, or talents. (Musical instrument lessons, little league baseball, joining nature clubs, etc.)
  

Affection

• Set aside special days when just you and your child have time together for shared activities designed to improve your friendship.
  
• Tell your child you love them often. Give them hugs, kisses, and smiles.

Protection

• Spend time with your child designing a fire escape plan. Teach them about fire safety.
  
• Ensure your child always wears a helmet when he/she rides their bike.
  
• Enforce sidewalk crossing rules.
  
• Ensure your child is visible when they are biking (light or brightly colored clothes, reflective patches).
  
• Teach your child to face forward and to hold onto the handrail when they are on escalators.
  
• Ensure they always wear a life jacket when involved in water activities.

Supporting Emotionally

• Support your child’s endeavors whether in academics, recreation, team events, or social skill developments. You need to be available for advise, comfort, reassurance, and coaching.

Eight to Twelve Year Olds

Communication

• Express love, appreciation, and concern often.
  
• Spend time listening and talking about your child’s day.
  
• Show genuine interest in your child’s friends, interests, thoughts, feelings, and activities.
  
• Make a scrapbook together of some of the special activities you have shared. Write stories to supplement the pictures.

Teaching

• Teach your child some of the skills you possess. These could be athletic skills, musical skills, social skills, word processing skills, gardening skills, etc.
  
• Teach your child right and wrong ways to deal with difficult situations involving drugs, alcohol, sex, social encounters, etc.
  
• Teach and coach your child in ways of handling difficult social situations. Give them hypothetical stories in which you can discuss alternatives. For example, ask your child what are some of the things they could do if someone bullied them on the playground.
  
• Give your child opportunites to problem solve by asking open ended questions about different situations.
  
• Comment on your child’s academic, social, cognitive, etc. progress.
  
• Answer your child’s questions on their level.

Monitoring

• Monitor your child’s peer interactions by encouraging them to play in your house or in other supervised areas. Be aware of possible times when your intervention may be beneficial in teaching a social skill.
  
• Monitor your child’s academic progression as well as their development in other areas of life such as extracurricular activities, social development, spiritual growth, etc.
  
• Monitor the health and personal hygiene of your child.
  
• Monitor your child’s safety.
  
• Oversee the movies they watch and the music they listen to.

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse what your thoughts, feelings and commitments were before you had your child and how they have shifted since you became a parent.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about the hopes and dreams of being the kind of father you want to be. Have you in any way lost touch with some of these hopes and dreams. Why?
  
• Think, write or discuss with your spouse about a person in your life who you have noticed parents in a way you feel is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the memories you have of your own father. What did you decide about how you would like to father your child based on those experiences?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you enjoy most with your child. Notice the aspects of your relationship you think you are doing right.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about times you felt personally challenged in interactions with your child. What are some of your strengths from which you can draw on to better meet these challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about what you believe others (partner, children, relatives, friends, community, etc.) expect of you as a father. How do they differ? When have you met or not met these expectations?
  
• Create a story about the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father.

Errands

• Talk to your child about their day while driving them to music lessons, sports practices, scouts, or other extra curricular activities.
  
• Take your child grocery shopping with you. Discuss how they determine what is the best price for a certain product. Let them weigh produce, count items, find items, etc.
  
• Drop off and pick up your child from their friends houses.
  

Care Giving

• Praise your child often on their specific accomplishments.
  
• Hug, kiss, and tell your child you love them often.
  
• Tuck your child into bed.
  

Child-Related Maintenance

• Go school shopping with your child for new clothes and school supplies. Know their sizes, preferences, and needs.
  
• Make school lunches for your child.
  
• Share with your spouse in laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc.

Shared Interests

• Choose an interest you and your child both share and plan activities in which you both can learn from
  
• Read about a shared interest together.
  

Availability

• Be available for bed time story readings.
  
• Be available when you are home from work to attend your child’s extra curricular events (sports games, music recitals, plays, school events, etc.)
  
• Be available to work with your child on their homework assignments, household chores, etc.
  
• Be available to bake cookies for your child’s extracurricular activities.

Planning

• Schedule dentist appointments, doctor’s check ups, etc.
  
• Plan to attend parent teacher conferences.
  
• Schedule dates when you can volunteer your time in your child’s classroom as a special guest with a specific skill, teacher’s aide, guest reader of stories, etc. Let your child’s teacher know of any special skills, experiences, or places you could provide tours of to enrich the topic of study in your child’s class.
  
• Plan outings based on your child’s interests in which you can spend time together.

Shared Activities

• Read books to your children.
  
• Work together planting and caring for a garden, fixing a bike, building a model airplane, organizing the garage, etc.
  
• Go to the zoo, an amusement park, fairs, national parks, a nearby lake, etc. to share recreational time with them.
  
• Work together on community projects such as recycling, cleaning up garbage, distributing phone books, promoting local events, etc.
  
• Cook your favorite meal together.
  
• Take your child camping and hiking.
  
• Include your child’s friends in some of your shared activites.
  
• Play word games or travel games (looking for specific liscence plates, types of cars, etc.) with your child as you drive places.

Providing

• Provide your child with the opportunity to develop their skills, talents, interests, and cognitive strengths.
  
• Provide your child with many opportunities to help others in the community.
  
• Provide a warm, secure, and safe environment for your child to call home.

Affection

• Express your love for your child often through hugs, kisses, and smiles.

Protection

• Teach your child about safety in sporting activities - helmets, knee guards, wrist guards, reflective clothing, life jackets, etc.
  
• Teach your child what to do if they are lost, approached by a stranger, asked to do drugs, assaulted, caught in a fire / earthquake / tornado, etc. in a manner which is helpful and does not frighten them.
  
• Guide your child in street smart Trick or Treating.
  
• Teach and enforce safe street crossings.
  

Supporting Emotionally

• Encourage your child to develop their personal strengths by both recognizing what they are and facilitating growth in those areas.

Early Adolescents (13-14 years)

Overview

Fathering adolescent children is an excellent way for fathers to use their generativity because it allows a father to begin treating his son/daughter as more of a companion. It is a unique time in a child's life when the father can pass on to the child favorite skills on a higher level than before with his child. Not only can the adolescent learn a new skill or hobby with his father, but the father can also develop new skills related to the son/daughter's interests. Being treated as a companion in such activities helps the teen develop identity and the cognitive skills necessary for healthy development. Through this reciprocal relationship, fathers can also manifest generativity; thus both the teen and the father progress together.

In finding generative activities, a father should consider two things: (1) what his teen is interested in, and (2) what he himself is interested in. Any type of shared activity, such as working or playing together, are excellent activities for fathers (as well as mothers)to do with their son/daughter. Although "work" is usually not considered as an activity to do together, it can be one of the best shared activities because it provides large amounts of time to interact (talking, telling stories, teaching new skills, etc.). Most sports activities can include positive competition. Fathering adolescents can be an exciting time for both father and teen as they begin to be companions, doing activities on a more similar level.

Communication

• Have some time set aside with your child to discuss her/his future plans and goals--high school activities, dating, college, marriage, career, etc. (include your spouse in the discussion as well).
  
• Tell your child stories of when you were their age--fun memories, major events, embarrassing or funny experiences, what you did after school, your struggles, etc.
  
• Use old photos to share stories and learning experiences about you when you were growing up (especially when you were their age).
  
• Express love, forgiveness, values, concerns, etc.
  
• Express genuine interest in your child's feelings, thoughts, interests, friends, worries, etc.

Teaching

• Teach her/him the reasons behind family rules. Many adolescents are now able to cognitively understand the purpose and reasoning of rules. This will help them to respect the rules more, and help them see how to develop their own set of governing values and to foster their independence.
  
• Teach your child decision-making skills by involving them in decisions and in establishing rules. Through this process, not only will the child learn how to make decisions, but they will be much more likely to respect decisions and rules that they helped create.
  
• Teach your child the future skills he/she will need in the future--laundry, cooking--balanced meals, money management, time management, decision-making skills, etc.
  
• Discipline appropriately when necessary.
  
• Teach them the skills they presently need--social skills, hygiene, dating etiquette, how to resist negative peer pressure, cultural skills, etc.
  
• "You should prepare your children for the changes that accompany puberty before these changes actually begin" (A Parent's Guide, 1985, p. 35). (Involve the mother in instructing and preparing your daughter for the changes that accompany puberty.)
  
• Teach other specific skills to your child--scouts (boy or girl) with its variety of skills and activities is an excellent way to be involved in teaching your child.
  
• Teach your child computer skills.
  
• Teach your child the moral and health issues related to sex education--values, risks, etc. (involve your spouse, especially for a daughter) (see A Parent's Guide, 1985).
  
• Teach spiritual development--praying together, etc.
  
• Teach responsibility through chores, etc.

Coordinate these teaching activities with the child's mother to combine your efforts.

Monitoring

• Be aware of homework assignments. Monitor your child's academic situation and be available for help. Attend parent-teacher conferences.
  
• Be aware of the child's extra-curricular activities and give support.
  
• Be aware of where your child goes and what is done on dates and activities.
  
• Have a party at your house so you can get to know his/her friends and oversee TV or movie watching.
  
• Monitor her/his progress in difficult areas, and give praise for improvement.
  
• Be aware of the health, grooming, and well-being of your child--anorexia/bulimia, drug/alcohol use, promiscuity, depression, etc.

(Monitor together with your spouse. By working together, you may be able to be more aware of your child's situation.)

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the plans and dreams of the kind of father you want to be. How can you stay on track?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about another person who you have noticed parents in a way you think is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the memories you have of your own father. How would you like to father your own child based on those experiences.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the times you enjoy most with your child. What aspects of your relationship are you doing well in?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the challenges you have had with your child. What are some of your strengths you can draw on to better meet those challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father.
  
• Pray for your child and for you as his/her father.

Errands

• Go with them to do their (or your own) errands. This is a natural way to be with and communicate with your child without it being a formal "sit down and talk" session.
  
• Be available to drive your child where they need to go.
  
• Make calls for her/him.

Care Giving

• Take care of your child when she/he is sick--take them a blanket, cook some soup, take their temperature, give them medicine, etc. Like most people, teens seem to enjoy the extra attention they receive when they are sick, even if they usually do not want it.
  

Child-Related Maintenance

• Do the laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning for your child. If possible, include your child as you do it.
  
• Repair broken items for your child that need fixing.
  
• Help care for a child's pet.

Shared Interests

• Develop a shared interest with your child--possibly something unique between the two of you. Spend time doing and learning more about that interest. (sports, animals, stars, nature, cooking, computers, cars, etc.)
  

Availability

• Be available to answer your child's questions--concerns, worries, peer problems to resolve, questions about intimacy, etc.
  
• Be available to help with homework.
  
• Be available to attend parent-teacher conferences at your child's school.
  
• Be available to attend extra-curricular activities such as dance or music recitals, sports events, spelling bees, etc.
  
• Be available to attend award ceremonies and special recognition events for your child.
  
• Be available to meet his/her friends. By making your house available for social gatherings (parties, videos, games, etc.) you can easily meet and have fun with your child's social group. Through this process, you may also become a generative "adopted parent" to some of his/her friends that do not have a generative parent of their own.
  
• Allow and encourage your child to enter into your own leisure activities.
  
• Be with your child when he/she won't go alone--doctor appointments, facing fears, etc.

(Coordinate with your spouse to be available for the child.)

Planning

• Plan vacations and trips that would be interesting to your child.
  
• Plan shared activities with your child.
  
• Plan your work schedule so you can be available to spend time with them--coach a soccer team, attend events, etc.
  
• Plan birthday parties, surprises, holidays, etc.
  
• Save for his/her future. Encourage them to do the same.
  

(Involve the mother in the planning.)

Shared Activities

• Work together doing yard work--mowing the lawn, weeding, planting, etc.
  
• Work together doing house maintenance--doing the dishes, painting, cleaning, etc.
  
• Fix the car together. Allow the child to actively participate and learn.
  
• Go shopping together--groceries, clothes, etc.
  
• Play sports together--basketball, soccer, tennis, swimming, biking, ping-pong, etc.
  
• Walk or exercise together.
  
• Go to the movies or go dancing with your child.
  
• Eat meals together.
  
• Celebrate holidays together.
  
• Chaperon events for your child.
  
• Spend time together in the outdoors--picnicking, camping, fishing, repelling, hiking, hunting, dutch-oven cooking, bird watching, canoeing, etc.

(Since peers are so important to your child at this time in life, you may consider occasionally including their friends in these activities, but not every one. Be sure to use some of the activities to spend time with just him/her.)

Providing

• Provide opportunities for your child to develop personal interests, skills, or talents--music/dance lessons, scouts, sports, nature clubs, etc.
  
• Provide educational/occupational information and opportunities--how to prepare for and what to do in an interview, how to find a job, how to write a resume, etc.
  
• Provide the necessaries--housing, clothing, financing, food, medical care, etc. Adolescence is also a good time to foster independence by allowing him/her to begin to provide some of these things for themselves.
  
• Provide appropriate insurance for your child.
  

(Coordinate these efforts with your spouse.)

Affection

• Give physical affection--hugs, kisses, pats on the back, back rubs, etc.
  
• Give verbal affection--praise, express thanks, compliment on looks, say "I love you," encourage, etc.
  
• Remember, a smile is worth a thousand words and a bunch of hugs.

Protection

• Instruct child about emergency preparedness--fire and earthquake safety (and other natural disasters).
  
• Ensure the child wears seat belts, helmets, life jackets, etc. when appropriate.
  
• Instruct about personal safety--rape, self defense, activities to avoid, etc.

Supporting Emotionally

• Support the development of your child's interests, even if they are different from your own. Be available for advice, comfort, and coaching.
  
• Support and encourage their extra-curricular activities, whatever they might be.

Corporation of the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (1985). A parent's guide. Salt Lake City, UT: Author. (This book is available at LDS church libraries.)

Late Adolescents (15-18 years)

Overview

Fathering adolescent children is an excellent way for fathers to use their generativity because it allows a father to begin treating his son/daughter as more of a companion. It is a unique time in a child's life when the father can pass on to the child favorite skills on a higher level than before with his child. Not only can the adolescent learn a new skill or hobby with his father, but the father can also develop new skills related to the son/daughter's interests. Being treated as a companion in such activities helps the teen develop identity and the cognitive skills necessary for healthy development. Through this reciprocal relationship, fathers can also manifest generativity; thus both the teen and the father progress together.

In finding generative activities, a father should consider two things: (1) what his teen is interested in, and (2) what he himself is interested in. Any type of shared activity, such as working or playing together, are excellent activities for fathers (as well as mothers)to do with their son/daughter. Although "work" is usually not considered as an activity to do together, it can be one of the best shared activities because it provides large amounts of time to interact (talking, telling stories, teaching new skills, etc.). Most sports activities can include positive competition. Fathering adolescents can be an exciting time for both father and teen as they begin to be companions, doing activities on a more similar level.

Communication

• Have some time set aside with your child to discuss her/his future plans and goals--career, college, marriage, etc. (include your spouse in the discussion as well).

• Tell your child stories of when you were their age--fun memories, major events, embarrassing or funny experiences, what you did after school, your struggles, etc.

• Use old photos to share stories and learning experiences about you when you were growing up (especially when you were their age).

• Express love, forgiveness, values, concerns, etc.

• Express genuine interest in your child's feelings, thoughts, interests, friends, worries, etc.

Teaching

• Teach her/him the reasons behind family rules. Many adolescents are now able to cognitively understand the purpose and reasoning of rules. This will help them to respect the rules more, and help them see how to develop their own set of governing values and to foster their independence.
  
• Teach your child decision-making skills by involving them in decisions and in establishing rules. Through this process, not only will the child learn how to make decisions, but they will be much more likely to respect decisions and rules that they helped create.
  
• Teach your child the future skills he/she will need before they leave home--laundry, cooking--balanced meals, money management, time management, decision-making skills, doing taxes, etc.
  
• Discipline appropriately when necessary.
  
• Teach them the skills they presently need--social skills, hygiene, dating etiquette, how to resist negative peer pressure, cultural skills, etc.
  
• Teach other specific skills to your child--scouts (boy or girl) with its variety of skills and activities is an excellent way to be involved in teaching your child.
  
• Teach him/her useful car maintenance skills--how to check the oil, change a tire, etc.
  
• Teach your child computer skills.
  
• Teach your child the moral and health issues related to sex education--values, risks, etc. (involve your spouse, especially for a daughter) (see A Parent's Guide, 1985).
  
• Teach spiritual development--praying together, etc.
  
• Teach responsibility through chores, etc.

Coordinate these teaching activities with the child's mother to combine your efforts.

Monitoring

• Be aware of homework assignments. Monitor your child's academic situation and be available for help. Attend parent-teacher conferences.
  
• Be aware of the child's extra-curricular activities and give support.
  
• Be aware of where your child goes and what is done on dates and activities.
  
• Have a party at your house so you can get to know his/her friends and oversee TV or movie watching.
  
• Monitor her/his progress in difficult areas, and give praise for improvement.
  
• Be aware of the health, grooming, and well-being of your child--anorexia/bulimia, drug/alcohol use, promiscuity, depression, etc.

(Monitor together with your spouse. By working together, you may be able to be more aware of your child's situation.)

Thought Processes

• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the plans and dreams of the kind of father you want to be. How can you stay on track?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse about another person who you have noticed parents in a way you think is admirable. What can you learn from their example?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the memories you have of your own father. How would you like to father your own child based on those experiences.
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the times you enjoy most with your child. What aspects of your relationship are you doing well in?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the challenges you have had with your child. What are some of your strengths you can draw on to better meet those challenges?
  
• Think, write, or discuss with your spouse the kinds of stories you would want your child to tell of you as their father.
  
• Pray for your child and for you as his/her father.
  

Errands

• Go with them to do their (or your own) errands. This is a natural way to be with and communicate with your child without it being a formal "sit down and talk" session.
  
• Be available to drive your child where they need to go.
  
• Make calls for her/him.
  

Care Giving

• Take care of your child when she/he is sick--take them a blanket, cook some soup, take their temperature, give them medicine, etc. Like most people, teens seem to enjoy the extra attention they receive when they are sick, even if they usually do not want it.
  

Child-Related Maintenance

• Do the laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning for your child. If possible, include your child as you do it.
  
• Repair broken items for your child that need fixing.
  
• Help care for a child's pet.

Shared Interests

• Develop a shared interest with your child--possibly something unique between the two of you. Spend time doing and learning more about that interest. (sports, animals, stars, nature, cooking, computers, cars, etc.)
  

Availability

• Be available to answer your child's questions--concerns, worries, peer problems to resolve, questions about intimacy, etc.
  
• Be available to help with homework.
  
• Be available to attend parent-teacher conferences at your child's school.
  
• Be available to attend extra-curricular activities such as school plays, dance or music recitals, sports events, spelling bees, etc.
  
• Be available to attend award ceremonies and special recognition events for your child.
  
• Be available to meet his/her friends. By making your house available for social gatherings (parties, videos, games, etc.) you can easily meet and have fun with your child's social group. Through this process, you may also become a generative "adopted parent" to some of his/her friends that do not have a generative parent of their own.
  
• Allow and encourage your child to enter into your own leisure activities.
  
• Be with your child when he/she won't go alone--doctor appointments, facing fears, etc.
  

(Coordinate with your spouse to be available for the child.)

Planning

• Plan vacations and trips that would be interesting to your child.
  
• Plan shared activities with your child.
  
• Plan your work schedule so you can be available to spend time with them--coach a soccer team, attend events, etc.
  
• Plan birthday parties, surprises, holidays, etc.
  
• Save for his/her future. Encourage them to do the same.

(Involve the mother in the planning.)

Shared Activities

• Work together doing yard work--mowing the lawn, weeding, planting, etc.
  
• Work together doing house maintenance--doing the dishes, painting, cleaning, etc.
  
• Fix the car together. Allow the child to actively participate and learn.
  
• Go shopping together--groceries, clothes, etc.
  
• Play sports together--basketball, soccer, tennis, swimming, biking, ping-pong, etc.
  
• Walk or exercise together.
  
• Go to the movies or go dancing with your child.
  
• Eat meals together.
  
• Celebrate holidays together.
  
• Chaperon events for your child.
  
• Spend time together in the outdoors--picnicking, camping, fishing, rappelling, hiking, hunting, dutch-oven cooking, bird watching, canoeing, etc.

(Since peers are so important to your child at this time in life, you may consider occasionally including their friends in these activities, but not every one. Be sure to use some of the activities to spend time with just him/her.)

Providing

• Provide opportunities for your child to develop personal interests, skills, or talents--music lessons, scouts, sports, nature clubs, drama or choir trips, etc.
  
• Provide educational/occupational information and opportunities--how to prepare for the SAT/ACT or a trade exam, how to write resumes, how to complete applications, what to do in an interview, how to find a job, etc.
  
• Provide the necessaries--housing, clothing, financing, food, medical care, etc. Adolescence is also a good time to foster independence by allowing him/her to begin to provide some of these things for themselves.
  
• Provide appropriate insurance for your child.

(Coordinate these efforts with your spouse.)

Affection

• Give physical affection--hugs, kisses, pats on the back, back rubs, etc.
  
• Give verbal affection--praise, express thanks, compliment on looks, say "I love you," encourage, etc.
  
• Remember, a smile is worth a thousand words and a bunch of hugs.

Protection

• Instruct child about emergency preparedness--fire and earthquake safety (and other natural disasters).
  
• Ensure the child wears seat belts, helmets, life jackets, etc. when appropriate.
  
• Instruct about personal safety--rape, self defense, activities to avoid, etc.

Supporting Emotionally

• Support the development of your child's interests, even if they are different from your own. Be available for advise, comfort, and coaching.
  
• Support and encourage their extra-curricular activities, whatever they might be.
  

Corporation of the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (1985). A parent's guide. Salt Lake City, UT: Author. (This book is available at LDS church libraries.)